Sisyphus

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Sometimes I feel like sisyphus in life. I work up to where I think I’ve achieved something and life, the universe, etc says “not today”. The rock rolls down the mountain; the task begins again.

Yet if someone quits (myself included) what is left to do then? Motivation comes and goes. Its the fanatic passion of obsession that drives someone to keep going despite all odds. Despite when it seems if it’s an ultimately pointless, and purposeless task at hand.

Mediocrity can someone truly accept it? Second best. Third best. Last place. Personally I cannot accept it. Nor will I ever accept it as my reality. The thought of really qutting to achieve my dreams as seemingly impossible as they are crosses my mind but I refuse to quit. I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail more and more until that final day even if I may die the next I accomplish what I’ve set out to do.

This is not to suggest to keep doing something useless or purposeless over and over. However, if something has a real true internal meaning to yourself and means that much to you it’d haunt you until die if you failed to do it. That is when the rock rolls back down you roll it back up again.

We all have disappointments, set backs, devastating tragic turns of events, etc. But to accept defeat truly and utterly via surrendering and becoming a victim of circumstances is not in me. Some people will get it. Some won’t.

Yet to quit totally and end the one and only life as you know it. You lose everything you’ve invested in. You can quit at anytime. And then what? What do you go back to? Can you live with yourself with that decision? While uncontrollable negative sometimes traumatic events can create that sense of desperation sometimes its necessary to take a step back.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. Nietzsche once said. Suicide has been said to be a consequence of when your coping mechanisms are overwhelmed to a degree that there seems to be no escape. Death means the total end of everything. Time is a commodity some people may not have.

Okay you failed here how can you improve it? You may need to crawl before you can walk. Once you crawl then you walk. Sometimes you don’t necessarily fail but in a cruel twist of fate you have to start all over again or something gets delayed. Brush yourself off. Take a step back. Go outside your mind and view the situation objectively. Weigh the pros and cons.

Life goals and dreams are marathons not sprints. And on that long arduous journey to victory you’ll be expected to face hardships, disappointments, trauma, suffering beyond suffering etc. Once you get past it you’re there. Once you quit and give up you’ll never get there and can you live with yourself then? Or will it haunt you? Will you be able to suppress the creeping thought of what if? Personally I cannot ignore it.

That’s why I keep rolling the rock.

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